Meltdown

Having a meltdown is not okay.

There is got to be a reason why.

For me, my mother push me to the edge.

Just because I wanted to see if Tyler is okay.

He did not stream on Mixer, yesterday.

I know he did not today.

I hope he's okay.

But, with my mother chewing gum like a cow eats their cud (grass) and flipping out on me.

I am not happy.

I have a meltdown.

2018 was eh.

To the people we lost this year.

We carry in our hearts.

To the good we keep.

To the bad we hope it would fade away.

2018 was eh.

I hope 2019 will be better.

I hope to see my family in Florida soon.

I could be very distance from my family.

However, I just want to be happy again.

2018 was eh.

2019 will be better, I hope.

I wish it snow on Christmas

It's a few days until Christmas.

It did not snow.

I wish it snow on Christmas.

So I can share it.

Saying that wish you were here.

It did snow on Christmas.

But, I know it's not true.

So, I will wait until the new year.

I wish it snow on Christmas.

I am not

I am not doing it again.

Not tweeting at him this Christmas Eve.

Despite I been hearing much of him.

Or see much of him from one of the female wrestlers I follow on Instagram.

It hurts me so much.

My friend knows that I am hurt of mentioning him.

I need to move on.

My happiness is in the form of someone else.

Someone who I like.

I hope that I don't lose this.

I lost the one.

I am not going lose this one too.

I hope you are fine

I am worry about you.
You left a message.
I hope you are not under stress.
As much as I.
I was hoping to see you stream.
But tomorrow, I will wait.
I hope you will be fine by then.
I am thinking about you.
You have made me laugh.
On your post for Christmas.
This is better than seeing someone else who makes me sad and sick.
I hope you will be streaming again tomorrow.
To see your face.
I hope you are fine.

A Very Unusual Christmas

This Christmas is going to be unusual.
I want to watch someone on Twitch.
Because I did not ask anything for Christmas.
It's very unusual.
Plus, I don't know what I will get from the deepy government.
I feel I will get no money.
But, all I do not want to do this Christmas is to deal with my mother.
Because she is mad.

How to defy my Happiness

How to defy my happiness?
You can't.
My mother and my father are trying so hard, they only makes me angry and upset!
They believe getting a job in some boring place and to make friends.
That is lies.
No one want to be my friend.
No one wants to hire me!
They want someone who is a male, someone who serve the war, someone who is a woman who is skinny, someone who would be paid at the average in the state!
That won't make me happy.
That's their way to defy my happiness.

Being a content creator.
Being a streamer.
Playing games.
Vlogging my anger.
Doing reviews and hulls!
Watching others!
That's what I want.
To be happy.
To defy it would be a sin.

Because you don't want me to be upset.
You want me to be happy.
You want me to be me.
All I want to be supported too.
Just let me be.

My madness

What do I need to do?

Oh please don't say that!

I refuse to do so!

You are making me feel so angry!

Stop with the stupid!

This is my madness!

My mother don't listen to me.

My father is mean!

My brother is being a bum!

I want to go to my comfort.

My bedroom and my tv.

Where I can go on to the YouTube app.

Just to watch Tyler play Minecraft.

The Bird Gang

When it's that time of year is happening now.

Which team do I go for?

Why it's the bird gang.

I bleed green!

It's the pride of this family has!

The team that we trust!

In Philadelphia we trust!

We high fly!

We are the team that soar!

It's the guys that fight for the first Superbowl win!

Wait that happened this past February.

Uh, can they do it again?

Maybe.

Why?

Because the golden boy...no, not Golden Tate, but he is working to that spot.

It's Nick Foles, we trust!
It's Wendell Smallwood, we trust!
It's Alshon Jeffery, we trust!

Philadelphia Eagles man!

The Bird Gang!

Sweets

Chocolate, candy, pies, cookies, biscottis, cake, doughnuts, and ice cream.
I want them all!
Dark, white, green tea, coconut, strawberries, vanilla, banana, and almond.
Delightful flavors.
I want to make some or buy some.
From different countries there are.
But most are famous here in the US.
Don't give me too much or I will have a sugar rush!
Or worse...

How can he be nervous, when I am nervous of him!

Tell me something.
How can someone be nervous when streaming on a platform?
How can he be so nervous, when I am nervous at him!
He admits that he has stage fright due to his team.
Yet, I am nervous, just tagging him on Instagram.
Maybe we are nervous about something.
Just why is this happening?

This is the last Straw!

Stop with the lies!
Tell the truth!
Don’t give me excuses!
This is the last straw!
No more bullcrap!
No more words that can hurt me!
Be honest!
Don’t lie!
Tell me now!
This is the last straw!
I am done with you!

I have a crush on you

You make me happy.
You make me blush.
You make me laugh.
You make me mad.
You make my heart jump.
You make my stomach jump.

I have a crush on you.

This Christmas, I want to see you.

This Christmas is something more different then last year.
I do want to spend it with you.
But, our families are way more important.
I know that you will be busy.
So, will I.
But, all I want to see your smiling face this year.
We are getting older and we are adults.
But, our families have to understand that we are in love.
This Christmas, I want to see you.
No ifs, ands, or buts.

Winter wish

Winter wishes.
Hearts desire.
One wish for me is to see you.
I don't care how we look to each other.
Just letting you know how much I appreciate of you.
If this is a sin.
So let it be.
I will be different for you.
Forever in your heart.
This is my winter wish.
Just to see you.

Happening Again.

I am so nervous.
Why?
It's because of Tyler.
I really have been enjoying him.
I know he has been going through alot.
After revealing that he had a bad breakup.
Having stress.
Now working on a world for Minecraft Bedrock.

But, what is going on?
I feel this is happening again.
I don't want to happening again.
When I was on Meza's discord.
I was thinking about going back on X33N's.
But, this is different.
Because, this is Tyler.
The funny guy.
The business guy.
The guy who is nice.
The guy who saw my Instagram stories around Thanksgiving.
The only guy who voted in my poll to come to his discord.

Aye.

The Twitch Woes

Last night I got a gift sub to X33N on Twitch.

Makes me wish I could go back watching Meza.

I made a post that people should change my mind.

Because I rather prefer enjoy to watch Tyler aka Logdotzip on YouTube.

He is such a great guy.

Unless something would make me not watching him anymore.

Of course there is Jordan aka CaptainSparklez.

His subreddit is so silly.

Maybe I need to watch him more often.

I miss watching AngelKyone, but mistakes were made.

I can't fix them, because Twitch won't let me!

Maybe after my free sub gift to X33N ends, I can start anew.

Let me reinduce myself.

I am Lindsie Rodger.

Formally Lindsie Starr and Miss Lindsie Starr.

My word

The insanity of my family is put me into stress way worse then before.

I had lost someone I loved.

The life of being someone different.

Can I just do it?

Memories old and new.

Take me the place I want to go.

I don't want to turn back to pain.

This is my word.

My word is golden.

You are interesting to me

All the YouTubers that I subscribe to,
you are the one, Tyler.
Forget about anyone else.
You are worth my YouTube watching time I spend on.
Preston is your friend.
He does diss you.
I get mad at some times.
But, you called him out in that video.
He has such a babyface that his wife loves.
You are so scruffy, manly, and handsome.

To tweeted what you said,
I had to say something.
You are interesting to everyone who follows you, including me.

Dream of desire

I am in a dream.
It reveals a desire.
A desire for you.
It's really crazy.
If you ask me.
All I want to see you.

Happiness is what I see

Happiness is what I see.
To what it is by through the internet.
Happiness can be Jordan getting what he needed.
Happiness is Ian and Maddie keeping up with their health.
Happiness is Thea and Crainer playing games.
Happiness can be Tyler being so funny putting it in the videos.
Happiness is Stacy with her cats and dogs.
Happiness is me seeing these, food, and pro wrestling.
But, most of all happiness is or can be whatever you want it to be.

I am not myself

I feel sad.
I feel angry.
I feel lost.
I feel not myself.

I blame my mother.
I blame my estranged father.
I blame my brother.
I blame her friends.
I blame his friends.
I blame myself.

I need support.
I need friends.
I need someone to tell me it will be alright.
I need to be free.

I am never be the same since the news have been told.
I am in pain.
I am not me.

The book of his life is close for good.

I wish I got to know you when we were in the same school.
However, we haven't.
It did not happened until I was in middle school.
You were already in high school.
I wish things were different then and now.
But, the chapters were written.
Your book closed when you are gone.
My book is still open.
Still writing more chapters.
But, I wish to open your book again.
To write more.
But, you are gone.
The book is close.
I can't open it to rewrite it.
The memories is all I have.
To painful to talk about.
I miss you so much.
But, you are no longer with us.
In fact you walk out of our lives when you moved.
If I could go back and fix it.
Maybe this would be different.
If I could start in the beginning.
But, I know, it's close for good.
The book of his life is close for good.

Summertime will never be the same.

Summertime will never be the same.
It's hard without you.
It was bad enough Bob was gone.
Now so are you.
I can think back to the times when you got off of work, just to come swimming.
When you were working at the grocery store, you brought me those green tea shakes, when you called your mother and she tells you that my mother and I are here.
To those days that I want to go back in time.
To those days I want to make things right.
But, it's too late.
I don't think it will ever happen again.
I miss you.
Summertime will never be the same.

I wish I could

I was a crazy teen.
I was in love with him.
I had issues.
I was in love.
I had a crush on him.
I wanted him to know as much as our mothers to know.
I wish I could go back in time.
I wish I could change my mind or his.
I can't now.
My heart is broken.
I need to move on.
I still wishes to go back in time.

Farewell to the man

Farewell to the man that I once know.

You were a teen, a few years when I know you almost two decades ago.

I fell in love with you. I wanted to marry you.

But, I gave that up. You were mean.

I haven't seen you since.

Last thing I heard you performed the wedding.

Now you are gone.

My heart is broken.

I wish I turn back time.

I don't belong here.

The city that we grew up from.

I want to move far away from here.

So, I won't be sad and remember the foolish I had.

Farewell to the man.

Scam Artist Going Down

There is a woman.
Goes by the name Abbey.
She was part of the wrestling community.
She reveal that she has cancer.
People caved in to her.
To give her support.
Until a certain llama got involved.
Not to mention me.
Call her out.
Now it has been revealed she fake it all.
She is looking at jail time.
For being a scam artist.
From scamming people to stolen valor.
Why would she do this?
For the money.
Because she knows what she has done.
Scam artist going down!

Bye Abbey, we hardly know thee!

The crazy thing.

Last night I saw pictures and question myself, why?
All I know is that what happen is part of a storyline, right?
I got jealous.
It's just crazy.
Maybe because of her kissing him, who is not her husband.
Girl, your crazy!
I know, but damn!
I am giggling like a schoolgirl.

My dream

My dream is one day that I hope to be married by a man.
Who would care so much and would want to see me as much as he can.
But, let's face facts.
There is no one like that.
I will take those who can make me laugh.
To those who know that I am in trouble.
To anyone who can stand up to my father.
To treat my mother like a queen.
To deal with my brother.

I don't know if there is any.

My last goodbye to you

The last goodbye.
I had to cut you off.
You make plans to go see her.
I have to move on.
This is my last goodbye to you.
You were using me.
You wanted her.
I had to cut ties to you.
If you care, you could go after me.
But, no.
You didn't.
I rather be safe with my wrestler friend.
Then deal with you, because you love her.
Just stay away from me.
You are terrible.
The streaming communities that I am involved.
Will know the truth or already did.

You are not worried about me.
Then I am free.
Free from you.
Free to see her.
I am not welcome to your community.
You make me not welcome.
Your mod would.
She's more better.
But, I have to distance her and you.
You can explain to her why you push me away.

The man with the great looks and everything

You look so out of the ordinary.
Usually you would never wear a tie.
Unless I am so wrong.
You never do when you are in press conferences.
I don't know why you are so attracted to me.
Maybe I am losing my mind.
I know you are a leader of a certain group.
You also love playing video games.
I do too.
I wish we were friends.
But, you got friends.
I am just a fan.
By the way,
That photos of you are look stunning.

The man with the great looks and everything.
That I will say about you.
After all you do have it.
No matter how it is.

I want to see you

It is cold.
I need you.
You haven't tweeted in awhile.
I am worried.
I hope you are safe.
I want to see your face.
But, I don't know if you want to see me.
I am wishing to see you.
Are you wishing to see me?

My feelings for you

I feel so out of it.
I haven't spoke to you.
I know you are busy.
But, I had to seperate myself from you.
I have much feelings for you.
But, you won't care.
Because I know you won't read this.
I want to stop this altogether.
But, then again, I don't know what I want from you.
I don't know what you want for me.
I am sorry.

This guy on YouTube is so funny!

I know of a guy.
His name is Tyler.
He is a YouTuber.
He plays Minecraft.
He does make noises and silly things on his videos that makes me laugh.
I know so.
Also, his intro is so easy for me to mimic.
But, not his voice.
His voice is unique.
But, no matter what.
I consider him funny.

By the way, what is he on YouTube?

Logdotzip.

A love to you

For all time you are the one.

I am only human to know this.

Slowly let me kiss you.
Take it now.
The attention we need.
Always and forever this love.
A love to you.

Stop.

A choice.